Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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