it's like iHOP with fire
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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