I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
