Umm I'm too high to move.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're like the curious george of whores
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
