I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
