dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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