Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
