You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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