So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
