Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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