Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
