I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
birth control should be required to get into college
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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