People in love make me want to vomit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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