We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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