Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We left the knife in your bed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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