I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
