i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
