its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
