I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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