I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
