never play flip cup with pint glasses
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
did you just send me my own nude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
