My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
