Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
