ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
