I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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