How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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