Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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