The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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