good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
