I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
