I wish my penis had an off switch
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
