I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
