Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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