Cold hands, warm shart.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
