Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
