ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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