he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
