is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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