yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae