He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked