In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction