it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
