Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
