Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize