Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
