just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
