He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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