The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
