Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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