This is not my ceiling
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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