i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
