I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
