I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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