Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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