I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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