The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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