I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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