I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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