Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
