I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
